in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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