I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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