toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Are we still banned from the library?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
