what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
