HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
