my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i've created a new STD.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
