we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
