Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
