I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
sex in a hospital.. check
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
