well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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