I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
