I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
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