so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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