There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
