My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
