he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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