Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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