can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize