Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
