Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
