Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
