The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
