How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
