guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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