so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
