dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
