hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
