what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
