A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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