He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Randomize
