Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
