please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
