Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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