FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
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just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You took a bar mat shot.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
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That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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