It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
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