I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
