Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
