Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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