now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
