I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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