Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
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You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
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Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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