my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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