ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Come see our sink grown plant.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
