Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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