brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
