worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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