Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
