Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
