you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
