i always forget guys have bellybuttons
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
