I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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