Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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