no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
