i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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