I am puke
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
