i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
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just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
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I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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