I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize