She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
