I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
