so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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