Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
