I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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