she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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