That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
