Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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