i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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