Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
