How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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