I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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