Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
this hospital has no fireball
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
