I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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