I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
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It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Who died my cat blue again?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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