Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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