How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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